Winds of change

I was known as a “rustic bully” in my hostel. I was called by different names – Sriram, Cheeru, big bully and sometimes even terror. I wasn’t a six-footer, didn’t have muscles nor a gang but still people were afraid of me. The scapegoat would be generally the person who would have been spotted by me in the college, chatting with a girl! This was a common sight in the college premises in front of the library. A girl and guy in shady places with watchful eyes and talking in a faint voice and blushing every 10 seconds! I had always believed that college love stories were mere extensions of infatuation and would die down once people departed. I didn’t know I could quite fall into the same trap and never thought I could be wrong - not till I met Renuka.

To begin with, Renuka was a sweet girl. I could feel her presence from the smell of the jasmine and the sound of her anklets. She was a typical tam-bram girl from Thanjavur. She always talked sense, kept away from all those college weekend get-togethers and was very soft spoken. She often congratulated me whenever I topped in a subject or won a prize in the inter-college quiz competition or in paper presentations. Once, she wasn’t well and had not come to college for a week. That week, there were a couple of campus interviews and I got through one of them. Somehow she got the news and called me on the hostel phone. I felt very happy and thought that she would be the special lady in my life. But all this died down after we passed out. I moved to Chennai and landed in a software job and she went off to the US. We lost touch and life moved on.

A few years later, I was in Landmark busy with my regular shopping – VCDs and books. Somebody caught my hand from behind. I turned around and gosh it was Renuka! The smell of the jasmine lured me to college days. There was a lot of change in her. She was wearing jeans, had short hair and her accent had changed immensely. She was very happy. She enquired a lot of things about me. Then we went to the coffee shop and spent almost two hours. She told me everything about her – her work, her salary, her future plans. She said she would be in Chennai for a month and wished to catch-up with me every weekend.

Life started rolling. Weekdays were really tough and weekends were heaven. I used to spend time with her talking about my office, personal life, films, books and what not! There was now a new dimension to my life. I didn’t know how to address this relationship – friendship or beyond it. But the “beyond it” factor began ruling over friendship and I started dreaming about it. All of a sudden Yash Chopra’s songs were pleasing to my ears. I had to some how pour it out – just go and propose. But at the same time, I was afraid. If she said a no, I would lose a good friend. I made up my mind and decided to ask her about this entire relationship.

It was the last Sunday and she was flying back to the US on Monday night. We caught up in the coffee house. I was about to open the topic, when she said “Sriram, you are a person whom I can trust and depend on totally. I met Shaun D’Souza, in California and I have been moving with him for the past six months. I have started liking him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. His parents have agreed but there are some hiccups in my circle. I am planning to get married to Shaun in the US without my parents’ notice. Hopefully, then they will accept this marriage. If they enquire you about all these, please don’t respond to them.” I heaved a sigh of relief. Thankfully, I didn’t disclose what I wanted to. If I had done that, I would have failed to understand this friendship. We spent sometime in the coffee house and after that I returned home. She left for US the very next day. But whenever I saw jasmine flowers, it reminded me of Renuka.

Understanding relationships is really complex. It’s really tough to draw lines between friendship and love. There are only a few lucky ones who understand this subtle difference. I think there will be a lot of Srirams today who will just dump whatever they dreamt of, into their deep hearts and proceed in life. Indeed men also have deep hearts that will also be full of secrets!