Monday, November 20, 2006

Illusions

Khanna ..ellam edahuthu vechitiya (Have you taken everything) asked my father. I was flying to the US to one of the top most universities in California, the same night. I had packed my entire luggage and had also cross checked the weight of my suitcases on a burrowed weighing machine. Amma had prepared all sorts of podi – Parrupu podi (Made of toor dal and dried chillies), Molaga podi (Made of dried chillies), kothamalli podi (Made of coriander leaves) and the list went on. We were a small conservative family residing in Mylapore. Listening to carnatic music, rudram, regular visits to Kapaleeshwarar temple were a part of our routine. I would be missing all these.

We had reached the Chennai airport by 9.30 PM. The place was crowded with students and their parents. There was just noise...noise and noise! My Chithappa, Chithi, Mama and Mami joined us in the airport. We were talking about the preparations for my cousin’s wedding, which was supposed to happen in few weeks. We went talking until the announcement of my flight departure. It was time for me to depart. Couple of tears rolled down my mother’s eyes. I hugged her. I could feel the warmth of mother’s love. “As soon as I reach I will try to call you. Then let’s start using google talk for our daily conversation”. With that, I disappeared into the crowd. After the baggage check-in and security check, I boarded the aircraft. In about 28 hours I would be reaching the SFO airport.

I landed at the airport and Rakesh, my college senior had come to pick me up. He drove me through the 101 freeway and soon we reached his apartment. I was an addition to his room, joining his other roommates, Arjun and Rahul. Soon, we got to know each other and were literally in seventh heaven, until spring blossomed. Along with fresh leaves and flowers, I had to welcome Catherine Mosses (or Cathy). She was a crush among the guys – her cat walk, her tanned skin and those curly hairs and above all her dimple smile. I had met her in one of those monthly Desi parties. The occasional meeting had turned into regular ones and soon we became close to each other.

It was a Sunday. I had just finished cooking dal and rice for the lunch. The phone rang and it was Cathy. She was complaining of pain in the leg due to an injury and wanted help. Though I was close to her, I had never gone into her apartment when she was alone. I was a bit hesitant but still proceeded. I reached her apartment. The door wasn’t closed completely. I went in and she was waiting for me in the hall. Probably she had just come out after a shower. Her hair looked wet, she was in skimpy clothes and her eyes were strained due to the pain. She moved her skirt and exposed the wound just above the ankle. My mind was losing control and the lust factor was overtaking me. I just couldn’t control myself. The devil in me was rising.

“What the hell is happening? What are you doing to that young girl?” That was Neha. I was shocked. “Fortunately, the door wasn’t locked, otherwise… Get out from this room, you filthy piece of shit”. I was embarrassed. Words weren’t coming out from my mouth. I was dumbstruck. Cathy was in tears. She didn’t open her mouth. How could I explain it to Neha, that I hadn’t done anything! I had totally fallen in the eyes of all these girls. I was ashamed of the entire episode. I went home and all I could do was to cry. I wept the entire night. How would I be able to face Neha and her friends? I planned to kill myself. But death is not a solution. I decided to marry Cathy. I had to do this. The conservative family background, the dreams of my parents everything was shattered to pieces.


The next day, I met Cathy and proposed. She felt sorry for me and she immediately accepted me. We got married after my graduation. I never informed my parents about this. Life started rolling. The first six months of my married life was heaven. Those simple, happy moments, the small fights and the honeymoon trip to the Vegas. But soon the thick bond of love started to give way due to numerous reasons. We failed to compromise on things that we usually did and our egos clashed. Cathy was not matured to understand the difference in life before and after marriage. My conservative background also started influencing our relation. And we filed our divorce papers.

Today I stay alone in my apartment. The wonderful relationship called marriage had turned into a disastrous one. My parents are forcing me to get married to a Tam Bram girl. How could I tell them that I am a divorcee? Will the other girl accept me? I shouldn’t ruin the life of another girl. Probably I was punished for that wrong thought! All I can say is “Veeperathe Buddhi, Vinashe Kaale”

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

A Solitary Journey

Tring Tring….Tring Tring….. That woke me up from deep sleep. I got down from the bed and walked haphazardly towards the phone to put an end to that screaming sound. I fumbled with the receiver and finally got it to in a decent position and mumbled sleepily “Hellllo, this is Murali”! My ears faintly heard “This is Susan. Something bad has happened this morning. Mrs.Parthasarathy is no more.” I was shocked. I had met Mrs.Parthasarathy, the previous night and she was hale and healthy. I threw the receiver down, rushed to my bathroom, brushed as fast as I could and in a few minutes I was whizzing in the road in my Santro.

I reached the apartment, parked my car and rushed to the second floor. People had already gathered. I managed to sneak in and in the hall, Mrs.Rohini Parathasarathy (we used to call her Parthu Mami), lay in deep silence in an ice box. Couple of tears rolled down my cheeks. Mrs.Susan caught my hand and dragged me to the balcony. She told me that both her sons had been informed and so was her daughter, Gayathri. Her sons were staying in Bangalore and I was told that they would be reaching within an hour. Gayathri, who was in the US, would not be able to make it to India. She was carrying and her due date was quite close. Doctors had advised her to not to travel.

Parthu Mami, lost her husband within 6 years of their marriage and she already had 3 children. Since her husband was holding a key post in one of the top leading motor cycle companies, she was offered a clerical job. She had a rough terrain ahead of her and managed to get past it without any help from her relatives. She managed to give her children the best education and got them married in very decent and affluent families. In return, her children had got her a nice flat in Chennai. She was like a boat caught in tempest. She made her way to the shore all alone. And in the end, she sank all alone. There was not a being around her to help her out when she was in pain. Of course, we were there to help her, but still a mother would definitely expect her son or daughter to help her out.


Most of us today belong to these main sects – Software Engineer, Consultants, body shopped engineer etc. The job profile is such that it lures us into lucrative opportunities. In many cases, the more one gets the taste of dollars, the more one yearns for it. In the process people get lost and lose their identities. They forget where they came from and their past and even people who would have helped them in their early stages. I have heard of people who even neglect their parents to some extent. Such people feel that if they send them money or keep them in a luxurious house it would soothe them and make them happy. But the truth is they would have probably not liked all this false living. They care more for relationship than the dollars. If children can’t be with their parents in their last years, maybe they are leading totally worthless lives. Its time for us to think and ponder over all these, as some day or the other we will be in the same shoes!!!!!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Winds of change

I was known as a “rustic bully” in my hostel. I was called by different names – Sriram, Cheeru, big bully and sometimes even terror. I wasn’t a six-footer, didn’t have muscles nor a gang but still people were afraid of me. The scapegoat would be generally the person who would have been spotted by me in the college, chatting with a girl! This was a common sight in the college premises in front of the library. A girl and guy in shady places with watchful eyes and talking in a faint voice and blushing every 10 seconds! I had always believed that college love stories were mere extensions of infatuation and would die down once people departed. I didn’t know I could quite fall into the same trap and never thought I could be wrong - not till I met Renuka.


To begin with, Renuka was a sweet girl. I could feel her presence from the smell of the jasmine and the sound of her anklets. She was a typical tam-bram girl from Thanjavur. She always talked sense, kept away from all those college weekend get-togethers and was very soft spoken. She often congratulated me whenever I topped in a subject or won a prize in the inter-college quiz competition or in paper presentations. Once, she wasn’t well and had not come to college for a week. That week, there were a couple of campus interviews and I got through one of them. Somehow she got the news and called me on the hostel phone. I felt very happy and thought that she would be the special lady in my life. But all this died down after we passed out. I moved to Chennai and landed in a software job and she went off to the US. We lost touch and life moved on.

A few years later, I was in Landmark busy with my regular shopping – VCDs and books. Somebody caught my hand from behind. I turned around and gosh it was Renuka! The smell of the jasmine lured me to college days. There was a lot of change in her. She was wearing jeans, had short hair and her accent had changed immensely. She was very happy. She enquired a lot of things about me. Then we went to the coffee shop and spent almost two hours. She told me everything about her – her work, her salary, her future plans. She said she would be in Chennai for a month and wished to catch-up with me every weekend.

Life started rolling. Weekdays were really tough and weekends were heaven. I used to spend time with her talking about my office, personal life, films, books and what not! There was now a new dimension to my life. I didn’t know how to address this relationship – friendship or beyond it. But the “beyond it” factor began ruling over friendship and I started dreaming about it. All of a sudden Yash Chopra’s songs were pleasing to my ears. I had to some how pour it out – just go and propose. But at the same time, I was afraid. If she said a no, I would lose a good friend. I made up my mind and decided to ask her about this entire relationship.

It was the last Sunday and she was flying back to the US on Monday night. We caught up in the coffee house. I was about to open the topic, when she said “Sriram, you are a person whom I can trust and depend on totally. I met Shaun D’Souza, in California and I have been moving with him for the past six months. I have started liking him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. His parents have agreed but there are some hiccups in my circle. I am planning to get married to Shaun in the US without my parents’ notice. Hopefully, then they will accept this marriage. If they enquire you about all these, please don’t respond to them.” I heaved a sigh of relief. Thankfully, I didn’t disclose what I wanted to. If I had done that, I would have failed to understand this friendship. We spent sometime in the coffee house and after that I returned home. She left for US the very next day. But whenever I saw jasmine flowers, it reminded me of Renuka.

Understanding relationships is really complex. It’s really tough to draw lines between friendship and love. There are only a few lucky ones who understand this subtle difference. I think there will be a lot of Srirams today who will just dump whatever they dreamt of, into their deep hearts and proceed in life. Indeed men also have deep hearts that will also be full of secrets!

Sunday, November 05, 2006

The day it rained....



It was half past eleven in the night and I was still at office, debugging my code. I had to somehow finish it and forget about it for the next couple of days. The next two days were going to be totally special for me. I was on my way to Chennai the next day, to meet Yamuna in her residence. It was the official “Ponnu Parkarthu” (Girl seeing) function. My mind was already pre-occupied with it. I managed to get to the line which was causing problem in the simulation. I fixed it, re-ran my simulations. The results were positive. I shut my laptop, dumped it into my back-pack, picked my car keys and rushed to the parking lot.

It was pouring like hell. The monsoon was creating havoc. With one hand over my head and the other clinching my bag, I ran as fast as I could to my fully bathed Lancer. My car would have been really happy! She was in dust and I didn’t have time to clean her up. I reached the door, opened it, jumped into my seat and threw my back-pack to the back seat. I was half-drenched. I wiped my glasses with my handkerchief, switched on the A/C, picked a music CD and played it in full volume. The atmosphere was just electrifying – Rains, A/C and Yaakai Thiri from Aayithu Ezhuthu in full volume.

The road was completely deserted. I was literally zipping. The needle in the speedometer was toggling between 100-110 Km/hr. I had all the reason to be happy – the bug was fixed and I would be meeting Yamuna the coming day. I was almost close to Airport road. With that speed I would reach home in 15 minutes. I turned right on M.G Road and braked in full force. It was a Sumo.The guy got on my way from the main road. There was something wrong with the Sumo. The car maybe ran out of petrol or it had an engine failure. The guy was struggling and it had stopped right in the middle.

The sumo cab driver came out, and waved at me. I lowered the windows and switched on the light. “Sir, which side are you heading to?” “Indira Nagar,” I said. “Sir, could you please drop one person near Food World. I think the engine is out and I will not be able to drop. There are no autos on the road. Please sir”. With a bit of hesitation I said “Yes, I can”. A lady got down from the vehicle and reached my car. I opened the front door and she got in. “Sir, Thank you very much” said the cab driver. I was slightly apprehensive about the entire episode. The first thing was, I had never given a lift to any girl and that too at these wee hours of the night.

“I am Asha,” she introduced herself and I shook hands with her. “Hi, I am Ramani”. She was a fair, tall girl. She was wearing black trousers and a half white shirt. I accelerated and within two minutes I was intercepted by cops. It was once of those usual checks – drunken driving and license checks. “Where are you going” asked the cop. “To food world, on the first main road” He said “OK! Don’t go to the third main. A tree has fallen.” I turned to Asha and gave her a smile. Asha, meanwhile had made herself comfortable in the seat. She started asking me “So, you are a software engineer? Where do you stay?” blah blah blah…. The conversation went on. She was very curious to know things about me. She also disclosed a lot of her personal stuff. I wasn’t comfortable about this entire conversation. Thankfully, I had reached food world. I stopped my car. “Thanks a lot Ramani, thanks for dropping me. I loved my car ride. It was fun chatting with you. This is my business card. If you are free lets meet for dinner this weekend”. I said “Let’s see” and I had to give her my card too. As she was about to leave, she peeped into the car and said “I think I have started liking you”. She blushed and disappeared into one of the streets. I was totally frozen.

I reached home, slept for few hours. It was a new day totally. I packed my luggage, rushed to the airport and within an hour I was in Chennai airport. Appa was already waitingt. We got into the car and reached home in 45 minutes. I rushed to the bathroom to freshen up. I changed my clothes and was almost dressed like a “pudhu mapillai”. We reached Yamuna’s place and soon the entire place was bustling with activity. Yamuna came out to the drawing room and she was accompanied by her friend. I raised my head and to my horror, it was Asha standing next to Yamuna! Both of them sat in front of me in the couch. Asha was murmuring something into Yamuna’s ears. Yamuna’s face was turning slightly red. Was she talking about me? Maybe she was trying to build some wrong impression in the mind of Yamuna! Was she trying to stop this since she wanted me in her life? All these started running in my mind. I moved to the corner of the seat. I was already sweating. I didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t my mistake but still I would be targeted. If this function stopped, what would my parents think of me? How would I prove to people that I was innocent? “Oh god please help,” I thought.. Had I ruined my life by giving a lift?

Screeeech…….! I banged my head on the seat in front me. The bus had reached the Koyambedu Bus Stand. My wife was still asleep. The bus attendant started shouting “Koyambedu bus stand. Please get down”. I heaved a great sigh of relief. I would never ever give a lift, even in my dreams!!!!!!!